'How to please your man', 'How to keep it hot in your relationship', 'How to spice up your marriage' , Abeg, abeg, abeg e don do. Yes I do agree on the points, tips made in these countless articles for us women. But I am tired, (I am sure i'm not the only one), bored of the same repetitive schooling on how US women should damn near kill ourself and go beyond measures to please some men, who even when we do enough and even more for...they still don't know a good thing. So without further ado. Men please listen up.
'Women economics: Room 101'
1. LOVE HER- Basic lesson of all. Love her like a wife, a child, a mother, a sister...then love her some more. This means not only telling her so daily, but showing her.
- Love is PATIENT; So your woman has put to birth and may be feeling a little wearisome. Her emotions are all over the place. She may not be feeling the sexiest at this point in time, and she may not have energy for sexy time as much as you'd like the both of you to have. You guys had enough sexy time before the child, and i am sure that sexy time will return. But be patient. Correct me if i am wrong but the child she bore was for the sake of both of you. Right or wrong? So, NO this time she is taking to tend to your baby is NOT the time for you to go and find yourself another baby of your own. Thank you.
- Love is not BOASTFUL; she doesn't need to hear time and time again what you have done for her, or what you are doing for her, she is your woman, it is your duty!
- Love is KIND; "Go and get me my food" I beg your pardon? Where is the 'baby' Where is the 'please'? Last she checked she wasn't your employee, she was your other half. Treat her as such. (I would hope you use your 'please and thank you's' when speaking to your employees, colleagues also. Manners please)
2. CLEAN UP
Take pride in your appearance and hygiene. If us ladies have to exercise, eat right, and wear waist cinchers and butt lifters till the death of us, then the least you can do is try not to down 10 beers a day, thus causing you to come home and suffocate us with the outcome...your belly. Also why not opt for a Salad instead of Eba on Wednesday nights? Hygiene wise, shower twice daily, brush twice daily and shave where you are supposed to. The most important thing is to love your woman no matter how she looks. There are better ways to encourage your woman to dress, exercise better than to taunt, punish her with words and to neglect her. BUT if you are a man who could care less on your woman's size, shape then good for you! Your the real MVP.
3. PUT YOUR APRON ON
Sometimes...just sometimes, prepare dinner. You won't be the first or the last man to do so. Did i hear someone shout HA?! What is HA?! African men can be very traditional when it comes to being in the kitchen. Walking past to check if their dinner is ready is a reason to be in the kitchen. Grabbing a glass to fill their scotch with is a reason. But cooking, cooking isn't one of those reasons. MEN, it will not kill you to help out every once in a while, especially with working Mothers. And it will not kill you to prepare a meal let's say once a week? Okay maybe I'm pushing it. A month maybe? Now there may be some women who may also be very traditional reading this, and I can hear the exclaims 'God forbid, not my husband', and that's fine! As long as both parties have a mutual understanding. I for one will be teaching my boys how to cook a thing or two because i can not have any woman coming to do shakara for my son. I can almost hear her now "You will die of hunger today" *Clicks fingers*. Kia kia he will just go and prepare Efo riro elemi meje and be alright. (Spinach stew with 7 lives)
4. TALK TO HER
I am not a door mat, neither am I a fly on the wall. I am a human being with feelings and i am not to be ignored. Uche calling you to come down to the club can wait a minute or two. Ask me how my day went, ask me how I am feeling, ask me about that thing I told you about the other day, JUST TALK TO ME DAMMIT! Ask me to put my feet up, a nice foot rub would do and let us converse as couple should. Women should not feel afraid or reluctant to relate verbally with their partners. And do not cut her off when she is speaking, listen and respond respectfully. That is all.
5. KEEP THE FIRE BURNING
Last but not least. Never let the flame die out. We want you to call us up randomly and say you've made reservations at so and so place, at so and so time. If you have kids, give them to Grandma and Grandpa for the evening. It is very important to spend quality time with your partner OUT of the bedroom or living room couch. Conversations that won't arise indoors will arise outdoors. And just because you have married your woman does not mean you two can no longer hit the club on a Friday night and get it POPPING. Tell her to slip on that cute dress, and those 6 inches, and party like two teenagers madly in love. Get out the house, travel, explore and create memories to last a lifetime!
Anything that I have missed?
Because Sheri Berri can go on for years...
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