Say your "Thank you's"

So I'm gonna just get right to it. This post is coming from a very annoyed place. As in very annoyed. 

So I attended an old friends birthday. One of those friends you do not keep in contact with years after high school, but you still keep a faint memory of the good times and the chit chatter in the canteen. One of those friends you glance at from time to time on social media down your timeline yet you're not compelled to message them for small talk. Same goes for them. But this same friend (Who hasn't reached out to me in years by the way) suddenly finds a way to my Instagram page, follows me, (as if she had never seen my page before) and sends me a direct message inviting me to her BIRTHDAY BASH!!! *Party poppers*. Now might I add, she had initially invited me THROUGH another friend, and being the kind of person I am...I wasn't having that. Guurrllllllll you know my Facebook, MESSAGE ME. Or else I will pretend I received no such invite. And if we ever cross paths, I sure will tell you the correct and proper way to invite an old friend to your PARRY. 

Sooooooooooo the celebrant to be, messages me with the old "LONG TIME!" line and the "I'D LOVE TO SEE YOU!" exclamation, and being the lovely, supportive old time friend that I am...I promised to be there. 

And off we went! Me and my bosom buddy who also went to high school with us...baring in mind we were both a little skeptical as it was a little awkward for a girl we hadn't spoken to in years to practically hound us with constant reminders of her upcoming BIRTHDAY BASH!!! *party poppers* . These reminders annoyed the hell out of my friend who later decided she didn't wanna go on the day, because she sounded so desperate! But being the wonderful old time friend that I am, I decided to encourage her. 

Blah blah blah the night commenced and it was quite a good night to say the least. We say our goodbyes to the celebrant, pose for a few pictures and home time it was. 

Day two: Birthday girl posts a "Happy birthday to me" picture on social media (All the while I am waiting for our thank you for coming message because I can see clearly you are active and awake on the same social media platform you contacted me on)

Day three: No message

Day four: No new messages

Day five: *Tumbleweed rolling*

Day 6: *Crickets*

And so the days went by...

This ungrateful element never said her THANK YOU'S OOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHH. Meanwhile we paid for our own drinks at the...yes you guessed it...BIRTHDAY BASH!!! *Pops a damn party popper*  (And the drinks weren't cheap) Not to talk of cab fare! No no no noooooo. Let me rewind <<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<< 

When you were searching high and low for crowd to fill up your party space you knew the way to my inbox! But when we don celebrate with u finish, u no know road again abi?! It is well! Diarriz God ooooooooooooo.Why are human beings like this?

 This is how I attended a naming ceremony of my friend and his wife,  and I carried my two legs on an one and a half hour journey with baby gift... I didn't hear PIM from the parents. But the clown of a Husband managed to Whatsapp me months down the line telling me he "has always wanted me and I am looking sexy" You never thank me for your pikin gift u dey here dey toast me, THUNDER FIIRE Y...

But that's a story for another day. 

No no NO. This must stop. I've made it a rule as of TODAY to correct people with such bad habits whenever this should arise again. If you are somebody who does this sort of thing, and not thank those who personally came to celebrate with you. Stop it NOW oooooo. It's an extremely bad bad habit. Not everybody who comes to celebrate with you has no better thing to do or better place to be. Quite frankly I love being in bed reading, watching Nollywood, writing, eating or whatever makes me happy! But if someone you know personally has taken time and effort to celebrate with you, a simple gesture like saying "THANK YOU" will not hurt! I'm not coming from a place of where I think I am special or I am above attending some events, I just mean it is common courtesy. Whether it was a governor, minister or a wash man that attended your event. "Thank you" is just having good manners. I know some people weren't taught this growing up, but guess what...Neither was I! I use my common sense. Because if you could use your fingers or mouth to take out two minutes to invite me somewhere, you could use those se body parts to say your thank you's. 

Am I the only one who feels this way?! Please let me know! Is it not that big of a deal??? Anyways as for me sha, you can be sure once I never receive a thank you for gracing your celebration with my presence...I will never attend any of your PARRIES again. Bye.  

What women want?

How to love a woman.

 'How to please your man', 'How to keep it hot in your relationship', 'How to spice up your marriage' , Abeg, abeg, abeg e don do. Yes I do agree on the points, tips made in these countless articles for us women. But I am tired, (I am sure i'm not the only one), bored of the same repetitive schooling on how US women should damn near kill ourself and go beyond measures to please some men, who even when we do enough and even more for...they still don't know a good thing. So without further ado. Men please listen up.

'Women economics: Room 101'

1. LOVE HER- Basic lesson of all. Love her like a wife, a child, a mother, a sister...then love her some more. This means not only telling her so daily, but showing her.

• Love is PATIENT; So your woman has put to birth and may be feeling a little wearisome. Her emotions are all over the place. She may not be feeling the sexiest at this point in time, and she may not have energy for sexy time as much as you'd like the both of you to have. You guys had enough sexy time before the child, and i am sure that sexy time will return. But be patient. Correct me if i am wrong but the child she bore was for the sake of both of you. Right or wrong? So, NO this time she is taking to tend to your baby is NOT the time for you to go and find yourself another baby of your own. Thank you.

• Love is not BOASTFUL; she doesn't need to hear time and time again what you have done for her, or what you are doing for her, she is your woman, it is your duty! 

• Love is KIND; "Go and get me my food" I beg your pardon? Where is the 'baby' Where is the 'please'? Last she checked she wasn't your employee, she was your other half. Treat her as such. (I would hope you use your 'please and thank you's' when speaking to your employees, colleagues also. Manners please) 

2. CLEAN UP

Take pride in your appearance and hygiene. If us ladies have to exercise, eat right, and wear waist cinchers and butt lifters till the death of us, then the least you can do is try not to down 10 beers a day, thus causing you to come home and suffocate us with the outcome...your belly. Also why not opt for a Salad instead of Eba on Wednesday nights? Hygiene wise, shower twice daily, brush twice daily and shave where you are supposed to. The most important thing is to love your woman no matter how she looks. There are better ways to encourage your woman to dress, exercise better than to taunt, punish her with words and to neglect her. BUT if you are a man who could care less on your woman's size, shape then good for you! Your the real MVP.

3. PUT YOUR APRON ON

Sometimes...just sometimes, prepare dinner. You won't be the first or the last man to do so. Did i hear someone shout HA?! What is HA?! African men can be very traditional when it comes to being in the kitchen. Walking past to check if their dinner is ready is a reason to be in the kitchen. Grabbing a glass to fill their scotch with is a reason. But cooking, cooking isn't one of those reasons. MEN, it will not kill you to help out every once in a while, especially with working Mothers. And it will not kill you to prepare a meal let's say once a week? Okay maybe I'm pushing it. A month maybe? Now there may be some women who may also be very traditional reading this, and I can hear the exclaims 'God forbid, not my husband', and that's fine! As long as both parties have a mutual understanding. I for one will be teaching my boys how to cook a thing or two because i can not have any woman coming to do shakara for my son. I can almost hear her now "You will die of hunger today" *Clicks fingers*. Kia kia he will just go and prepare Efo riro elemi meje and be alright. (Spinach stew with 7 lives)

4. TALK TO HER

I am not a door mat, neither am I a fly on the wall. I am a human being with feelings and i am not to be ignored. Uche calling you to come down to the club can wait a minute or two. Ask me how my day went, ask me how I am feeling, ask me about that thing I told you about the other day, JUST TALK TO ME DAMMIT! Ask me to put my feet up, a nice foot rub would do and let us converse as couple should. Women should not feel afraid or reluctant to relate verbally with their partners. And do not cut her off when she is speaking, listen and respond respectfully. That is all.

5. KEEP THE FIRE BURNING

 Last but not least. Never let the flame die out. We want you to call us up randomly and say you've made reservations at so and so place, at so and so time. If you have kids, give them to Grandma and Grandpa for the evening. It is very important to spend quality time with your partner OUT of the bedroom or living room couch. Conversations that won't arise indoors will arise outdoors. And just because you have married your woman does not mean you two can no longer hit the club on a Friday night and get it POPPING. Tell her to slip on that cute dress, and those 6 inches, and party like two teenagers madly in love. Get out the house, travel, explore and create memories to last a lifetime!


Anything that I have missed?

Because Sheri Berri can go on for years...