Say your "Thank you's"

So I'm gonna just get right to it. This post is coming from a very annoyed place. As in very annoyed. 

So I attended an old friends birthday. One of those friends you do not keep in contact with years after high school, but you still keep a faint memory of the good times and the chit chatter in the canteen. One of those friends you glance at from time to time on social media down your timeline yet you're not compelled to message them for small talk. Same goes for them. But this same friend (Who hasn't reached out to me in years by the way) suddenly finds a way to my Instagram page, follows me, (as if she had never seen my page before) and sends me a direct message inviting me to her BIRTHDAY BASH!!! *Party poppers*. Now might I add, she had initially invited me THROUGH another friend, and being the kind of person I am...I wasn't having that. Guurrllllllll you know my Facebook, MESSAGE ME. Or else I will pretend I received no such invite. And if we ever cross paths, I sure will tell you the correct and proper way to invite an old friend to your PARRY. 

Sooooooooooo the celebrant to be, messages me with the old "LONG TIME!" line and the "I'D LOVE TO SEE YOU!" exclamation, and being the lovely, supportive old time friend that I am...I promised to be there. 

And off we went! Me and my bosom buddy who also went to high school with us...baring in mind we were both a little skeptical as it was a little awkward for a girl we hadn't spoken to in years to practically hound us with constant reminders of her upcoming BIRTHDAY BASH!!! *party poppers* . These reminders annoyed the hell out of my friend who later decided she didn't wanna go on the day, because she sounded so desperate! But being the wonderful old time friend that I am, I decided to encourage her. 

Blah blah blah the night commenced and it was quite a good night to say the least. We say our goodbyes to the celebrant, pose for a few pictures and home time it was. 

Day two: Birthday girl posts a "Happy birthday to me" picture on social media (All the while I am waiting for our thank you for coming message because I can see clearly you are active and awake on the same social media platform you contacted me on)

Day three: No message

Day four: No new messages

Day five: *Tumbleweed rolling*

Day 6: *Crickets*

And so the days went by...

This ungrateful element never said her THANK YOU'S OOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHH. Meanwhile we paid for our own drinks at the...yes you guessed it...BIRTHDAY BASH!!! *Pops a damn party popper*  (And the drinks weren't cheap) Not to talk of cab fare! No no no noooooo. Let me rewind <<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<< 

When you were searching high and low for crowd to fill up your party space you knew the way to my inbox! But when we don celebrate with u finish, u no know road again abi?! It is well! Diarriz God ooooooooooooo.Why are human beings like this?

 This is how I attended a naming ceremony of my friend and his wife,  and I carried my two legs on an one and a half hour journey with baby gift... I didn't hear PIM from the parents. But the clown of a Husband managed to Whatsapp me months down the line telling me he "has always wanted me and I am looking sexy" You never thank me for your pikin gift u dey here dey toast me, THUNDER FIIRE Y...

But that's a story for another day. 

No no NO. This must stop. I've made it a rule as of TODAY to correct people with such bad habits whenever this should arise again. If you are somebody who does this sort of thing, and not thank those who personally came to celebrate with you. Stop it NOW oooooo. It's an extremely bad bad habit. Not everybody who comes to celebrate with you has no better thing to do or better place to be. Quite frankly I love being in bed reading, watching Nollywood, writing, eating or whatever makes me happy! But if someone you know personally has taken time and effort to celebrate with you, a simple gesture like saying "THANK YOU" will not hurt! I'm not coming from a place of where I think I am special or I am above attending some events, I just mean it is common courtesy. Whether it was a governor, minister or a wash man that attended your event. "Thank you" is just having good manners. I know some people weren't taught this growing up, but guess what...Neither was I! I use my common sense. Because if you could use your fingers or mouth to take out two minutes to invite me somewhere, you could use those se body parts to say your thank you's. 

Am I the only one who feels this way?! Please let me know! Is it not that big of a deal??? Anyways as for me sha, you can be sure once I never receive a thank you for gracing your celebration with my presence...I will never attend any of your PARRIES again. Bye.  

What women want?

How to love a woman.

 'How to please your man', 'How to keep it hot in your relationship', 'How to spice up your marriage' , Abeg, abeg, abeg e don do. Yes I do agree on the points, tips made in these countless articles for us women. But I am tired, (I am sure i'm not the only one), bored of the same repetitive schooling on how US women should damn near kill ourself and go beyond measures to please some men, who even when we do enough and even more for...they still don't know a good thing. So without further ado. Men please listen up.

'Women economics: Room 101'

1. LOVE HER- Basic lesson of all. Love her like a wife, a child, a mother, a sister...then love her some more. This means not only telling her so daily, but showing her.

• Love is PATIENT; So your woman has put to birth and may be feeling a little wearisome. Her emotions are all over the place. She may not be feeling the sexiest at this point in time, and she may not have energy for sexy time as much as you'd like the both of you to have. You guys had enough sexy time before the child, and i am sure that sexy time will return. But be patient. Correct me if i am wrong but the child she bore was for the sake of both of you. Right or wrong? So, NO this time she is taking to tend to your baby is NOT the time for you to go and find yourself another baby of your own. Thank you.

• Love is not BOASTFUL; she doesn't need to hear time and time again what you have done for her, or what you are doing for her, she is your woman, it is your duty! 

• Love is KIND; "Go and get me my food" I beg your pardon? Where is the 'baby' Where is the 'please'? Last she checked she wasn't your employee, she was your other half. Treat her as such. (I would hope you use your 'please and thank you's' when speaking to your employees, colleagues also. Manners please) 

2. CLEAN UP

Take pride in your appearance and hygiene. If us ladies have to exercise, eat right, and wear waist cinchers and butt lifters till the death of us, then the least you can do is try not to down 10 beers a day, thus causing you to come home and suffocate us with the outcome...your belly. Also why not opt for a Salad instead of Eba on Wednesday nights? Hygiene wise, shower twice daily, brush twice daily and shave where you are supposed to. The most important thing is to love your woman no matter how she looks. There are better ways to encourage your woman to dress, exercise better than to taunt, punish her with words and to neglect her. BUT if you are a man who could care less on your woman's size, shape then good for you! Your the real MVP.

3. PUT YOUR APRON ON

Sometimes...just sometimes, prepare dinner. You won't be the first or the last man to do so. Did i hear someone shout HA?! What is HA?! African men can be very traditional when it comes to being in the kitchen. Walking past to check if their dinner is ready is a reason to be in the kitchen. Grabbing a glass to fill their scotch with is a reason. But cooking, cooking isn't one of those reasons. MEN, it will not kill you to help out every once in a while, especially with working Mothers. And it will not kill you to prepare a meal let's say once a week? Okay maybe I'm pushing it. A month maybe? Now there may be some women who may also be very traditional reading this, and I can hear the exclaims 'God forbid, not my husband', and that's fine! As long as both parties have a mutual understanding. I for one will be teaching my boys how to cook a thing or two because i can not have any woman coming to do shakara for my son. I can almost hear her now "You will die of hunger today" *Clicks fingers*. Kia kia he will just go and prepare Efo riro elemi meje and be alright. (Spinach stew with 7 lives)

4. TALK TO HER

I am not a door mat, neither am I a fly on the wall. I am a human being with feelings and i am not to be ignored. Uche calling you to come down to the club can wait a minute or two. Ask me how my day went, ask me how I am feeling, ask me about that thing I told you about the other day, JUST TALK TO ME DAMMIT! Ask me to put my feet up, a nice foot rub would do and let us converse as couple should. Women should not feel afraid or reluctant to relate verbally with their partners. And do not cut her off when she is speaking, listen and respond respectfully. That is all.

5. KEEP THE FIRE BURNING

 Last but not least. Never let the flame die out. We want you to call us up randomly and say you've made reservations at so and so place, at so and so time. If you have kids, give them to Grandma and Grandpa for the evening. It is very important to spend quality time with your partner OUT of the bedroom or living room couch. Conversations that won't arise indoors will arise outdoors. And just because you have married your woman does not mean you two can no longer hit the club on a Friday night and get it POPPING. Tell her to slip on that cute dress, and those 6 inches, and party like two teenagers madly in love. Get out the house, travel, explore and create memories to last a lifetime!


Anything that I have missed?

Because Sheri Berri can go on for years...

ASHAWOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!

Now playing Simi 'Tiff' My song of the year. I wish it was mine! Pause guys, take a listen to that, and return.


Heard it? Amazing right! The girl should be on every blog, music channel right now, because she gave it 100! My friend Tolulope suggested it to me. You should hear him ad libbing the end of the song, he is such a darling lol


Right It's been a year and two months since my last post. I-make-myself-sick. This is just the height of it all. A YEAR! Hunny, child, fix up. (Talking to myself)


Now to the koko of the post. ASHAWOOOOO, WHORE, PROSTITUTE, APUNA PUNA. (I heard 'Apuna puna' in a Nollywood movie, first time hearing the word and I cried for days, sooooo funny!) These are some of the words (except for apuna puna) I came across on a particular blog post two days ago. My oh my, it was astonishing to see all these people attack and ravage our 'runs babes'. They left no prisoners, believe you me. I don't agree with it, I don't. Selling yourself short, I do not agree with it. But ummmmm I also do not agree with the self righteous downgrading and insults poured out on them. Jokes aside it is a real big problem. I was riding with my cousin and his friend in the Victoria Island region in Lagos. The sound of "Hey baby" infiltrated our ear drums, to our right stood 3 women so scantily clad I could see what they had for breakfast, lunch and dinner, immediately my cousin stated "Oh boy we don't have women again in Nigeria. See these fine girls. They are all finished" See tears dropping from my eyes, I am such a baby lol. What shocked us was how 'clean' these girls looked, they didn't look like your regular road side 'prostitutes'. I felt so gloomy and upset the whole drive through. The debate after his statement kept me worrying up until this day. Why must it be this way? We are producing low and high classed prostitutes by the minute and it is becoming a trend! PAUSE. My pity does NOT go out to our 'biggest' babes. Sorry to burst your bubble. Let me emphasise. If you are into 'runs' and your out of school, or you either don't bother to enrol, you travel all around the world, your dressed in designer 24/7, you FLASH your belongings on social media, hiding under the means of 'Entrepreneur' , ' Interior designer', 'Hair by Sexy', listen you need someone to sit you down and tell you the truth, it's either you have home training and you refused to heed to it, or you don't have at all. How long will it go on for? 'The paroles'. How long? That money you collected from Mr Awolowo, to travel to 'Dubai' could have been put towards a craft, towards a business idea. Instead you'd rather wear shoes bigger than both your feet put together. Hope no problem? IT IS CALLED LAZINESS! You are being lazy, and God despises laziness. I might contradict myself here, but bear with me... However it is pitiful when your in school trying to run the race, yet the hands at home aren't producing enough to put you through, everyday is a struggle, the cursed lecturers are threatening you to bring 5k here, 10k there or else you fail! It is pitiful when all you have is 1k for the week (equivalent to about £4), and you have to worry about transport, textbooks, food, water and everyone in class has noticed that your favourite gold sandals have been through wind, fire and rain. Yes it's pitiful and our country doesn't provide those part time jobs all willy nilly as they do in the western region. Here in the UK, you can work and study at the same damn time! If your in Nigeria, oh boy if your Papa no get 500k to dash you at LEAST in a month, you are in for it.  I know what I am saying, I went to school in Nigeria for a year and now looking back I always ask myself "WHAT WOULD I HAVE DONE WITHOUT FINANCIAL SUPPORT FROM MY PALE?! (Father)" I didn't realise how privileged I was. Because you are on your own if your parents, family can't help, OYO, OYO LO WA. You are in trouble. I'm not making excuses for anybody, I am just saying you could not run a mile in the next persons shoes so think before you open your smelly mouth. NOW to Chief Richards, Honourable Akin, HOPE NO PROBLEM OOOOO???? Will you let our daughters be great?! Do you know the multitude of blessings that will come your way if you could help that 300 level student with that 20k, without having her meet you at oriental hotel to spend the weekend? Don't you think God would be much happier with you that way? Would you like the same done to your daughter? All I am saying is we all have a part to play, this is getting too too much! I can't go to some nightclubs again because you people don turn am to brothel. Hope no problem?

Hi, last but not least. Our biggest boysssssss, our fellow, bachelors. WORK, I mean, WORK. Work like your life depends on it...Technically it does. Enjoy your youth, but all I am saying is history will repeat it self if you don't wise up. Your daughters, even sons, will look to their parents age mates in the future, to pay for their school fees, providing that they pay with their bodies.


What else did I leave out?

Off to the gym now. (Now playing Asa 'Eyo'...reminds me of Unilag days rehearsing for Eyo festival Hahaaa!)

Black history month. Who is 'Saartjie Sarah Baartman' ?

Now playing (Sam cooke-A change is gonna come)

'Saartjie Sarah Baartman' Every black woman should know her name.

Although its not celebrated like it should be, especially here in the UK, does not make it less important. Most of us black people are so quick to use slavery and the oppression of our ancestors as a weapon when arguing over a matter or fighting against racism as if we really know our history or care as much as we portray. But the truth is a lot of us don't, if we did, it would show in our thoughts, words, actions. I am guilty too. Now when I came across this story, all i could ask myself was "HOW IN THE WORLD HAVE I NEVER HEARD ABOUT THIS?". I blamed myself for not researching on my own, about what we went through as a people. I also blamed society for letting our past be swept under a rug. I then put myself in the position of this young lady 'Saartjie Sarah Baartman'. 

'Saartjie Sarah Baartman' also known as 'hottentot venus' was one of the two khoi khoi women from the eastern cape of South Africa. After a European led commando raid in the town she was orphaned, widowed and lost her children. and as if that was not bad enough, she was taken to France by Alexander Dunlop who suggested to her Dutch slave master that she be taken to England for exhibition. Now she was being taken by a man who deals with animal specimens, in other words they believed the women of this town were not humans and portrayed animal like traits.

She started being exhibited in london as a freak show, a scientific curiosity, where she was made to be gawped and fondled with to entertain people at shows. She had very large buttocks (steatopygia) and also the elongated labia (vagina) of some khosian women. She was made to dance in provocative manners while the Europeans leered at her with lustful eyes and abused her, at times she couldn't hold back her tears and cry. She was treated like a wild beast, she was kept in a cage forced to dance even when ill, and threatened with fists or sticks when she did not co-operate.

After four years in England she was taken to France (Paris) to continue her round of degrading rounds of shows and exhibitions. Once they got tired of the show, Sarah was forced to turn to prostitution. Her body could not uphold the further abuse, foreign climate change and diseases, she died the next year in 1815 at the age of just 25. Sarah lived and died thousands of miles away from friends and family, with no means of ever getting back home.

As if she had not suffered enough in her lifetime, George cuvier a french scientist made a plaster cast of her body, removed her skeletons, brain and genitals placing them in a jar, to be displayed in a museum. After the years of abuse, heartache and torment they still did not allow her body to rest in peace. The europeans so badly waanted to prove that we was not human like they. They described her in relation to an animal, lips like a chimpanzee. They described her buttocks like those of a female ape.

160 years later and they were still on display, but were finally removed from public view in 1974, President Nelson Mandela asked for her remains to be brought home in 1994. It took the French government 8 years to pass the bill, and she was finally given a proper burial in just 2002! Her grave has been declared a national heritage site, and i hope to visit their one day!

What amuses me is how times have changed...but in a way they haven't. In those days our black women were forced to dance provocatively, showcase their body parts etc...But now black women do these things at their own will! And they do it proudly. With no care in the world. I for one will be educating my daughters on how a black woman should carry herself. It has been done in the past for a reason, so we can appreciate and respect our bodies. So we can treat our bodies like a temple. We have free will now, women like 'Saara' did not. Im very sure if she was alive she would be very confused at some things in society today. We are still in the mind state of slavery, things like 'KING magazine' and many more proves some black women just dont get it. Anyways i did not really write this to preach! I wrote it to honour 'Saara Baartman' she deserves it, after publicly being humiliated for 100's of years. And she was just 20 when the ordeal began, a year below myself. Mmmmm.

 Here is a movie based on her life. Now this movie does NOT, i repeat does NOT even portray HALF of what she went through, but the movie was toned down in content. Watch if you feel. I personally couldn't, i continuously kept skipping turning a 2 hour movie into a 5 minute one. I have anger issues and wanted to avoid throwing my laptop at the wall lol.

Who says Nollywood is dead? ...... October 1 - 1st Official Trailer

When i speak to most Nigerians...they have nothing good to say about Nollywood, and it makes me saaaaad. Its the majority bringing the minority down. Some people will wake up one day and decide they have been blessed with the gift of film making...mentioning no names *cough cough...blackberry babes, peruvian hair wahala*. I was on the train this morning and my caribbean friend was LAUGHING his head off at a movie called 'Brazilian babes' or whatever dem dey call d film, and i always find myself fighting for Nollywood and recommending something they can not point the finger and make fun of. Like this morning i recommended 'Mr and Mrs (CLASSIC). As Nigerians Nollywood is ours, it is an art of storytelling and we should support it always. Anyways sha Kunle Afolayan and many more film directors are here to shut you all up!

Everyone must read...

I said it, i would start and come back months later...and I did.

Now.

I've had a morning of a GOOD read. now listening to some Aaliyah, (in the library) she reminds me constantly of who i am pushing to be sooner than later. Yeah...back to the matter...my good read 'The 7 habits of highly effective people'. By 'STEPHEN R.COVEY.' I find myself commending this book to people more than any other book i have read. This books holds the key to self progression, professionally and personally. It really does. I have started to look at things in a different way since i began this book...Take for instance this section:

Human nature is four dimensional-body, mind, heart, and spirit. Consider the differences and fruits of the two approaches:

BODY:
Cultural tendency: maintain lifestyle; treat health problems with surgery and medication.
Principle: prevent diseases and problems by aligning lifestyle to be in harmony with established, universally accepted principles f health.

MIND:
Culture: watch television, "entertain me."
Principles: read broadly and deeply, continuous education.

HEART
Culture: use relationships with others to forward your personal, selfish interests
Principle: deep, respectful listening and serving others brings greatest fulfilment and joy.

SPIRIT
Culture: succumb to growing secularism and cynicism
Principle: recognise that the source of our basic need for meaning and of the positive things we seek in life is principles-natural laws i personally believe have their source in God.


Another section reads:

Listening to our language 
Reactive language vs Proactive language

Theres nothing I can do  |   Lets look at our alternatives
That's just the way I am  |   I can choose a different approach
He makes me so mad      |   I control my own feelings
They won't allow that     |   I can create an effective presentation
I have to do that              |   I will choose an appropriate response
I can't                              |   I choose
I must                              |   I prefer
If only                             |   I will

So basically our attitudes and behaviours flow out of paradigms, if we use our self awareness to examine them, we can often see in them nature of our underlying maps. The word impossible itself spells possible. GBAM.
I just feel this book gets one back on track...so you don't wake up one day and realise you made very bad moves 10 years AGO. There is no literate person in our society who would not benefit by reading this book and applying its principles. A must read. Go get it. YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA.

Back to class for me.

Well well well...

Years of procrastinating have come to an end...i have finally decided to start up this 'Blog'...Suddenly i am short of words (letters). Where do i start? 21, studying, in search of the woman I believe i am destined to be...its at my fingertips. I can feel it. My break-through... Just cant place my hands on it! So this blog is to share my journey...journey to __________ (Lips sealed) Anyways, i'll see how this blog goes. I am used to starting something up and coming back to it months later. *Wails* Im terrible!


Forgot to mention...IM NIGERIAN. I wear it on my back. Nigeria, its content, its culture, EVERYTHING to do with Nigeria. Is all I ever talk about.